20 Ways to Help a New Mom (Even When She Doesn’t Ask)

In the past several years, however, my life has changed dramatically emotionally, physically (here’s looking at you, mom bod), and mentally.

Now, rocking a s

 

Oh, and don’t forget to wash yesterday’s grime off your face, feed yourself in between the tantrums and poopy diapers, and be sure to drop off your son at soccer practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And, the occasional Friday, but it depends on when the last game was.

 exhaustingly relentless. I need my husband’s help. I need my mother-in-law’s help. I need the help of other uplifting moms around me.

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1. Encourage Her

Being a mom isn’t easy, especially when it’s her first rodeo.  When you see her putting her baby to sleep successfully, endlessly playing with her baby, or toughing it out through a difficult round of breastfeeding, let her know she’s doing a great job! We are already doubting ourselves every second, let us know when we are rockin’ momdom.

2. Run to the grocery store for her

It’s hard to leave the house when your baby is teething and fussy or when you’re still learning to accept your new postpartum bod. If you’re at Aldi’s or Trader Joes, ask her if she needs anything. Most moms always need something, but damn, it sure takes a lot of time and effort (and patience) to leave the house with kids just to pick up some milk.

Moms just don’t get enough credit. It doesn’t matter if she is a work away from home mom, work at home mom, or is stay at home mom, being a mother is a lot of work. Acknowledge the sacrifices she is making for her family and children. And the endless amounts of laundry she washes, folds, and schleps up the stairs to put away on the daily. Oh my god,  I bet moms spent 1/4 of their life just doing laundry. It’s neverending.

4. Give her a hug

Motherhood can be lonely. Babies can be hard. And, some days she just feels down. Bear hug her hard. Like her life depended on it. If she isn’t a hugger, rock your best Dr. Evil impression and just ask for one.

can-i-get-hug-dr-evil-meme | 20 Ways to Lighten a New Mom's Mental Load

5. Send her a text

Let her know you’re thinking of her. Even if she can’t respond right away, she will be so happy to hear from you. It seems like once a woman has a baby, her posse considers her to be too busy, too this, or too that and they just give up on reaching out. Please, don’t. As much as she enjoys watching Baby Shark 152 times a day, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t wish to hear that little message alert jingle on her phone telling her her old friend is saying, whats up!!

6. Tag her in funny memes

Sending a super funny quality meme is like a virtual hug from the sender. Memes make life more enjoyable. I have several meme strings going with different groups of friends and family, we rarely speak a word on the phone. Like Egyptians, we prefer to speak in modern hieroglyphics and barbaric guffaws.

7. Invite her out on a walk

Being outdoors helps us all, especially new moms battling postpartum depression or the stay at home mom blues. She will be so happy to have adult talk time, the chance to increase her steps on the Fitbit, and some fresh air will do her mind some good.

How to Help a New Mom Lighten Her Mental Load

8.  Treat her for lunch

She’s a mom now.  All of her extra pennies go towards her kids or groceries to feed the little hellions. She will so appreciate it, especially if she doesn’t have to wash the dishes after, which brings me to my next point.

9. Clean the house

Is there anyone else that knows how to clean other than mom? Anybody? Anybody!? A clean house is such a special treat. With kids, it is damn near impossible to keep a clean house. Moms are constantly cleaning, it would be nice to have someone clean the house for a change.

10. Clean the car

Cheerios. Apple juice spills. Teething biscuits. Crumbs everywhere. Greasy handprints on the windows. Help, please!

11. Ask how she is doing

When you have kids, you will forever be put on the backburner.  People will always call or text to check how the kids are doing or to see if the kiddo won their latest sports tournament. But, rarely will they ask how mama is holding up. Don’t forget to check on her wellbeing. She barely has time to have her own back.

12. Compliment her (genuinely)

If she is donning a cute shirt, tell her. If she was able to stop her baby from crying lickety-split, tell her how impressed you are. If her hair looks fresh and fly, lord, shout it from the rooftops!! She needs to hear it!  

13. Be present

Sometimes just sitting in the same room as someone helps. Being a new mom can be lonely. You don’t need to have big plans out on the town or attend the latest fancy schmancy brunch spot you just read about on Yelp. Just coming over, binge-watching Netflix, or slathering on green face masks together as you sip mimosas (like the girls used to do pre-kids) can really brighten her day (or week).

14. Share your wine

They say sharing is caring. But, sharing your wine is divine. Enough said.

15.  Babysit for a date night

The husband works all day and they barely have exclusive time together beyond the 20-minute dinner hustle that takes place just before mom has to start on the nightly baby routine. Watch the kiddos for a few hours so she can get dolled up, flaunt her new cleavage (hello boobies, you’ve finally arrived!) rock her old heels hiding in the back of her closet, and fall in love with her husband all over again. Just don’t wait up…….(just kidding)…no….not really.

16.  Introduce her to your mom friends

Every new mom needs mom friends! Most moms are living away from their families and the “villages” that were supposed to help her and guide her through motherhood. She will be so grateful to meet other mom friends who she can chat with about constipation, nipple pains, and losing that last 15 lbs.  Help her build her mom tribe, she will be eternally grateful.

Making New Mom Friends | How to Help a New Mom Lighten Her Mental Load

17. Stop mom shaming

Mom-shaming is ingrained in our culture and it sucks big time. We are all different moms from different cultures from different walks of life. Why should we expect that all moms would raise their kids all one way? It doesn’t make sense. Some comments not to make:

“OMG, you give your kid formula?”

“You should really have socks on your baby.”

“You shouldn’t be nursing in the middle of the night still.”

And the list goes on…….

STOP, STOP, STOP THE CRITICISM!!

18. Buy her a coffee

Peets, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, Tim Hortons. She won’t discriminate. Heck, make a batch of strong ass coffee at your house and just bring it over in mugs with a venti-sized grin on your face. She will be so damn happy!

19. Drink coffee with her

Coffee is fantastic, but it’s even more fun enjoying it with a friend and reminiscing about the old days. Like, that one time when you two took on alternate identities at a party and spoke in fake German accents and answered come-ons with random German words you learned from Rammstein, like Du kannst mich! Then, died of embarrassment when you learned what those words really meant.

20. Did I mention, coffee?

Coffee is good. Coffee is grand. A mom is always happiest with a coffee in her hand. If a mom doesn’t have a cup of liquid sanity in her hand, how can she even function?!

 

What are other ways you can help a new mom lighten her mental load? I’d love to hear them!

 

mom-mental-health | How to Help a New Mom Lighten Her Mental Load

 

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Author: Brandi Wiatrak

Hey, Mama! I'm Violet's mom and Chris' step-mama, Brandi. This space is a peek into my cold-brew fueled life navigating motherhood and the world. With brutal honesty, humor, and sarcasm, I talk about the joys (and sucks) of parenting, ways to live a simple & sane life, and awesome adventures to embark on with your family. Come aboard my crazy train! Wine and Gerber Puffs included.

23 thoughts

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      We’re all in it together, right. Supporting other moms, and women in general, is what we need more of. Thank you for sharing. 💓

  1. What a wonderful post. Being a new mama was one of the most beautiful, yet stressful times of my life. I love your suggestions to help!

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      Thank you! I agree. Being a mom is the best, yet most difficult, job in the world.

  2. I could give you 50 Amens to this and it would not be sufficient enough. I wish someone had done these things for me when I was a brand new mama! i think the best gift someone could have given me would have been to keep my babe for a few hours so I could take a good nap.

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      Thank you Mama! And, yes, you’re so right!!! Naps are a good one to add. Never knew I was going to be tired for life. 😂

  3. All of these are brilliant suggestions! Especially #9, hint, hint! Being a new mommy is so hard, just ONE of these things could make a huge difference!

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      #9 would make all moms 100% happier. Just imagine the time we’d have?!! 🙌😁

  4. This is an amazing list and so true. My new mommy friend has been on maternity leave for a few weeks. I drove over an hour to her house just to hang with her for a few house. She was so grateful to have adult conversation and also have someone else play with the baby, because we all know the first few months are tiring. You dont have to do much, its the little things that mean so much.

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      You’re such a good friend to drive all that way to spend time with her!! Those little gestures mean so much!! 💓

  5. I love the idea of helping clean the car. This gets so overlooked in my home and I would so appreciate someone offering to help with it!

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      Right?! My car is constantly filthy. I’ve learned to let go of my OCD tendencies though and realize my car will truly never be clean again! Haha

  6. These are great ideas and definetely needed, I know I could use some of these even though am on baby number too and am supposed to be a pro at this baby having business lol…thanks for sharing

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      Hey, if you’re on baby number two you need these things even more than I do!!! 💓😁

  7. These are all great reminders for me! I loved it when friends brought us dinner when we had newborn babies in the house. One less thing to worry about! A friend of mine just had her third baby yesterday so I will have to put some of your suggestions to good use in the next few months!

  8. oh I would have loved for someone to have offered to do the above for me. As moms we get criticized more than appreciated, it’s so sad…I would love to have someone watch my little one for few hours and allow me time to rest

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      You’re so right! Moms are so underappreciated. It’s hard because our lives are tough and tiring!! It’s a wonderful job though, I have to admit. 💓💓

  9. I love this! My cousin’s first baby is due in January and I’ve been busy thinking about things I can do to try and help out. I think we all immediately go, ‘oh I’ll buy some baby clothes and blankets’, but that’s not really that much help to a new mother. After all, she could buy those in 20 seconds online! Thank you for giving me so many new ideas!

    1. Brandi Wiatrak says:

      How exciting!! I’m so happy to help! I think she’d love you forever if you done then just one of these things!! 💓

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