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Hey, you! Yes, you. Are you a mom? I thought so. I could smell the scent of your second pot of coffee brewing and yesterday’s body spray. (hi, Febreze!)
Wait, you don’t use Febreze to cover the smell of puke you wiped off your mom pants the day before?
Ohhh, crap! That’s me!! Call off the dogs!
Well, if you’re a Mama, and still reading this, hand over your cell phone (or laptop if you’re old school like me) to your husband, boyfriend, sister, co-worker, or baby daddy for that matter! Yes, RIGHT NOW. I’m going to get you hooked up, girl! Don’t worry, you can thank me later.
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Hi, there! I’m Brandi and I know what your girl wants and needs. No, it ain’t like that! I am her virtual bestie that cares about her happiness, sanity, and well-being. Your girl busts her tail every day raising little hellions into young well-mannered citizens of society. She deserves some love, attention, and recognition for her hard work.
Do you know how many times a day she sweeps crackers off the floor without losing her marbles? Do you realize she has 2,569 answers to the question: “But, why?” Have you noticed that she manages to keep a smile on her face despite running on Puff snacks and 3-4 hours of sleep at night?
You better pop out that Visa and show your homegirl, lover, friend, “the best Mama in the world,” what she means to you!
Here are 20 gifts modern moms actually want, but won’t ask for. Do your girl a favor, don’t make her ask.
“Because Mom’s life essentially revolves around cleaning messes all day, hire a cleaner so she can focus on more important things like…why do brother’s farts smell like Captain Crunch?”
“It’s hard to be everywhere at once, especially with 2 or 3 kiddos in the mix. This system will help her to literally have eyes in the back of her head.”
“Help her forget about the crayon markings on the wall and hot dogs thrown all over the kitchen floor with the relaxing, yet energizing scent of rosemary essential oil.”
“Because mommin’ truly ain’t easy, and she needs this glass (full of wine!) to help her forget her woes, especially about still not fitting into her pre-pregnancy pants 10 months postpartum.”
“Mom’s are SEVERELY dehydrated from nursing, lack of sleep, running around in circles, and attempting to recall everyday words like fork..and water bill. Nothing will help her chug water more than this rambler that is guaranteed to keep her water cool and refreshing.”
“When you have kids running around like maniacs pulling out every toy, article of clothing, and item in sight to scatter about the house, how in the hell are you EVER going to find where they tossed the car keys?”
“This journal will help Mom capture it all–simply turn to today’s date and take a few moments to answer the question at the top of the page, like What Made Your Child Smile Today?” Or, Did You Brush Your Hair Today? Why not? (joking!)“
“Help mama feel a little more together with this fashionable diaper bag that allows her to find the tube of Desitin faster than her child can shout, Mommy, wipe my butt!”
“She just had a baby. Unless “fitness freak” is her middle name, it’s likely she is still rocking a postpartum pooch. She will appreciate these slimming yoga pants to help with those bulgy blues.”
The Cultured Baby 
Wow! I didn’t know Amazon offered cleaning services! I’m all over every single one of these gifts! Great list!
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Thank you! And, yes, Amazon does cleaning! Great prices too! I used them for a party and was super impressed.
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I either have or want almost all of these! Best new mom gifts ever!
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